We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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