DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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