got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
