Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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