Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Girls should come with a carfax report
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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