What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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