When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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