remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Randomize
