Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
