You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Randomize
