getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i came on her dog
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
