I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
