I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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