So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
