somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
