she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
