Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
