I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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