my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
