Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
