it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
