one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
