Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
