He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
