it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
