Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
