If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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