Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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