I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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