i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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