So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
