I'm eating all of the evidence.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
