somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
