quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
