i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
