Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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