and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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