If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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