Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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