His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
