If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i came on her dog
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
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