I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
