lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
