I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
