all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
