Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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