i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I wish you could order shots online.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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