his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
