Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
