tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
