Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
