yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
