She said her name was "party"
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
wow bdsm is so cute
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
