I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ๐๐๐๐
I donโt care that heโs a decade younger. Heโs cute and I need a good penising
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