Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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