Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
