Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
