I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Sorry my hands just texted you
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
