I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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