my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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