Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
