just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
