yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
