This is not my ceiling
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
